I Do Not Feel Behind

I feel like I need to experience life

Lately, my feed has been filled with people who are trying to experience every part of life, whether it is forever or temporary. Before, my feed featured content about the feeling of being behind. I honestly do not feel behind, I just feel like I want to truly experience life more. When I watch movies or read books I think more about how people are trying to live a life of meaning versus chasing a life that checks the boxes of society. The content built to make you feel behind is usually focused on generating wealth before 30, having kids or getting married before 30, traveling all over the world before 30, or becoming a CEO or Founder before 30. My question is why do I have to feel behind because others decide they don’t want to be “behind” or rush life?

I just want to experience everything that comes to my mind, whether I’m successful. In my 20s, I chose jobs that could give me recognition or maybe even closer to leadership roles, but now, at 30, I realize I do not care about the roles anymore. I just want to dive into a life and at the end of it I feel joyful to retell the stories again. I can only imagine not going after something because of the fear of being seen or the fear of taking risks. When I say, I do not feel behind, I mean that. However, I do feel like I am not experiencing life or trying new things. I was not in a rush to get married, have kids, travel to every country in the world or build a successful business in my 20s. I did focus on a career that didn’t feel completely fulfilling, even though I know others would have loved to do what I did, but it made me feel distanced or even lost.

I will say this, I am not in a rush to get married, but I would love to experience a true romantic relationship. I am not in a rush to visit every country in the world, but I would love to spend a few weeks in one exploring and learning about the culture. I am not in a rush to hit the peak of my career, I just want to find something that provides me with intellectual stimulation and the ability to make a difference. I do not feel behind, I feel stuck. I feel like I haven’t tried to do much of anything that aligns with the person I want to be but more with what I think I want others to see. For instance, I have always wanted my nose pierced, but I worry about how that would look in certain jobs or the fear of having to take it out to not inconvenience others. That is my problem. I am worried about the opinions of others instead of how I will view myself in the future. I am proud of some of the things I have accomplished and that I have been able to take care of my family when needed, but I need to chase my dreams. I am not trying to chase them because I feel behind but because I want to feel alive. I just want to feel alive.

I am a big movie buff. My favorite type of movies are the ones where a woman takes a risk to follow a calling or a woman finds her spark that she never knew she needed. I tend to lean on movies where women find their voices or become connected with soul purpose. I need to feel called towards something, but even more, I need to take a risk to actually do something. It doesn’t matter if it fits societal standards or not. Some of the few movies that come to mind are Eat Pray Love, Tuscan in the Sun, Last Holiday, The Guernsey Literary Potato Peel Pie Society or even Mrs. Harris Goes To Paris. These are the type of movies that have sparked something inside of me and gives me inspiration. The one thing that these movies have in common is the importance of community and aligning yourself with nice people who provide great conversation but even a bigger perspective on life. I love it when people have dreams, but even more encourage others to chase theirs. It isn’t about money or status but living a life that is full of creativity, critical thinking, exploring and trying new things.

I am not behind nor do I feel behind… I just haven’t been living a life that keeps me inspired or connected. Community is important and taking a jump towards something that may inspire you because taking risks creates great stories even if they do not amount to great success. At least what others think success really is.